Cleo: the story

Here is my little monster:

The name: it was originally supposed to be Cleopatra (a personal hero of mine), but after many of my family and friends, including the ex, shortening it to Cleo, I decided to stop being ticked off and accept it. Anyway I felt she misrepresented my image of Cleopatra so it felt okay. You can also imagine trying to tame a feral beast by exclaiming so many syllables... whereas Cleo makes it short and sweet to yell out.

Where she came from: So after posting my desire for a pet on facebook, a friend from my hometown messaged me saying her cat had recently brought a litter of fuzzballs into the world and there were two available for the picking. My last cat being of a darker shade, I picked the light gray. I was delighted to see the cute beige spot on her forehead.

The cat: I noticed fairly quick she was a biter and would not stop. At least she only bites when offended or angry (which is 85% of the time we interact) and she hardly uses her claws on me (which I cut regularly anyway).
I posted my concerns on facebook, and my friend who has given her to me found it really cute and funny cause the mom-cat is EXACTLY the same. How adorable to own a vicious, angry pet who hates everyone! I can't have anyone over without Cleo losing her shit cause she's so used to being alone and the outside world is frightening.

I recently started taking the cat out for "walks", which is mainly walking around the doorsteps. This brought on a pre-teen petting my cat without her losing her shit and biting the child!!! (Note: the child had bent and pet the kid before I could stop her.) That kid even had a dog with her (dog knew to stay extremely far away from cat). My brother and his boyfriend even came over one time without Cleo freaking out! She's didn't want to be pet but at least she didn't attack them?..!

As happy and exciting this is developing for her, it has brought on a new side to the cat that I never saw before. Cat's inner wild animal is awakening and she now spends the better part of her time when she's awake just meowing at the door to be let out. (I always bring her out on the leash.) Last time, I took her out twenty minutes and she still spent every hour after that meowing in the door, scratching at the cracks and trying to get back out. 
This is driving me crazy.
I really thought I would be able to turn her into a dog-cat, taking her out for walks but when we go out, she just wants to sniff everything and attack bugs...

Cleo is known by all my friends as the evil cat and no one comes over or likes to come over just cause she attacks them.. Really annoying. She's also been traumatized by the vet, because she wasn't cooperating, he mistreated her and made her literally lose her shit while scaring her. So now I can't bring her for yearly examinations, she's never been examined, only operated and first shots.

I love my cat a lot but because of her attitude I always feel like I'm the one who causes it and that she's not getting the full of her life. I can't imagine being stuck for life with someone as grumpy as we both are. I know she loves me because she purrs when I pick her up or when I come home but I feel like she deserves more than what I have to offer.

I'll eat your soul.

 Paint me like one of your french girls.

Friendships, in person & online

Friendships

As an introvert, making friends is a new thing for me. I used to always have just 1 friend and some acquaintances. That friend would be the world to be and I'd try to do everything social with only that one friend. When I finally escaped high school with my diploma, I went to college and met a whole new world of people. I finally started making different friends, I eventually got A BOYFRIEND!! (Crazy right?) So when I finally graduated with my degree and my job, I had a few circles of friends and my boyfriend.
This was all new to me, I liked talking to everyone, I would open up telling anybody anything because ohmygosh they like me and like talking to me.

Today, after a few years of experiencing friends and social activities, including having to talk and listen, I've realized over the years that you can't just BE social, you have to LEARN to be social. It's hard work to be social and keep people liking you. After a few trial and error friends, some peaked, some burned down, some never happened. I know what friends I like, who deserves my friendship and who just plain annoy me. I never knew that I could actually not like talking to certain people, I thought it was all the same.

Actually that's not even what I wanted to talk about, what I meant to talk about is the difference between in-person friendships and online. There's some friends I LOVE to talk online too, no boundaries, they can't see me, I can say anything. But as soon as I meet up with them, it's like suddenly I'm an open book. Which is a bit crazy because online they can keep valid proof of what I've said.

STORY TIME

In grade 10, people I hardly knew got this guy from another school to add me to MSN and chat me up, get to know me and get my secrets. This guy would then send our conversations to those people and after a major school dance where I spilled the beans about everyone I didn't like and my crush, they modified some of the stuff I said and printed it. They brought it to school and showed a lot of people (these people were popular so they showed A LOT of people).
Needless to say, I'm now worried about spilling secrets online and learned my lesson... sort of.

/ END STORY TIME

And then there's people you get along with in-person, you know the people, the ones that you make eye contact with and you just know that you're compatible, you open your mouths and discover just how compatible. There's some people, it's CRAZY how along you get and everything just makes sense. Then there's the rest of them, the people you get along with just enough and the people who make you wonder and re-question your life and social skills.

Now some of these people, I adore them in-person, I'm in my game, we chat, we socialize, it's perfect; especially in a group of three. Three, by the way, is the perfect group to be when socializing, I completely believe in group of three and enjoy the hell out of it. Anyway, when we part and later meet up again, except ONLINE this time, it's like they've turned into one of those others... the conversation shrivels up and dies when you get past "how are you?" it's sad, it's lame, it's depressing. It completely ruins my social game and I'm unwell until I see them in person again.

Anyway so if I can conclude this mess, I just wanted to vent about great in-person friendships that completely SUCK in online chat or texting. Why is online so different from in-person? Does the person not like me anymore? Makes no sense.